Dear Diary,
As my Freshman year comes to a close, I look back at all the times I have managed hiding being gay. It bothers me a lot, hiding these feelings and having to pretend I am "straight" with friends. Impression management is something Goffman refers to as the desire to control the way others see us - to convince them we are who we say we are. I have done this in numerous ways. First of all, I asked a girl to homecoming. Her name is Kayla. I used to joke with her a lot when I was younger, which confuses me now because I am so much more shy and awkward around girls. It took a lot of guts to ask her, but I did it. I think the only reason she said yes was because another guy asked her that she didn't like. I guess this was good for my high school reputation. Although we didn't dance at all or really talk much, at least I had a date to give off that "straight personal front". At the end of the year, I discovered a friend of mine, named Desiree, really liked Metallica. This surprised me and she wanted to go with me to a Metallica concert. I said yes, thinking we were going as friends. It was an amazing show. Desiree continued to text me and asked me if I wanted to go to a movie. I said yes and awkwardly brought my friend Kevin along, which she didn't like. She told me that she liked me and that she wanted a relationship. This was the first time I have experienced somebody attracted to me, so I felt really bad letting her down. I just told her "I am not ready for a relationship" so that she wouldn't somehow find out I was gay and word would spread.
My "date" and I are on the right.
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