February 20, 2012
Dear Diary,
As a sophomore in college, I feel like I have let myself and my family down abusing weed. I never touched it before, or any drug for that matter, but fell into the spiral last fall. I used it as a crutch before coming out, which I have still yet to do. Aren't I supposed to be an adult and not act so childish? I also failed my first class ever. I used to get all A's, I can't believe I failed a class. Emerging adulthood is characterized by risk taking and morality play. I used to completely judge people who took drugs and deemed them as bad people. Now that I have experienced this drug abuse myself, who am I to judge? I feel like a bad person myself for lying to my parents and using their money to buy so much weed. I mean, I'm almost 21 now, shouldn't I be acting like an adult, not an adolescent still? I really want to find love since I have never experienced it but don't know how since I am gay. I'm too afraid to walk into the LGBTQ Resource Center and have already tried to change myself and make myself "straight". I guess it's just a period of identity exploration, but I would like to actually act upon my orientation someday...
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