Week 11

April 25, 2008
Dear Diary,
As a 16 year old sophomore in high school, I feel adolescence is very ruled by angst.  Sleeping in is also very important for me and I am not a morning person at all; more of a night owl.  Adolescence seems to be defined by "coming of age", controlled by raging hormones, peer-oriented, and signified by age.  Throughout all of high school, the band Linkin Park has been my favorite.  They are the epitome and definition of angst that many people avoid due to their sad, angry, and rebellious sound. I find their sound to be very well suited to my adolescent experience thus far.  My hormones have more been triggered by my attraction to older guys, that I don't really get to experience at all.  So, the theory that my decisions are driven by my hormones if completely false for me.  Within school, I hear guys talking about sex with girls, but I often don't partake in the conversation because I am a virgin.  The subject of sex is also very taboo in the context of Catholic religion.  My favorite song right now, that often brings me to tears is Crawling by Linkin Park.  It has very generic, angsty lyrics but I like that. And I often look at myself in the mirror; feeling insecure, isolated, confused, and fearful. I think I may have depression and have thoughts of suicide, but I guess that is just the "coming of age" aspect of growing up...

Week 10

May 1, 2006
Dear Diary,
As my Freshman year comes to a close, I look back at all the times I have managed hiding being gay.  It bothers me a lot, hiding these feelings and having to pretend I am "straight" with friends.  Impression management is something Goffman refers to as the desire to control the way others see us - to convince them we are who we say we are.  I have done this in numerous ways.  First of all, I asked a girl to homecoming. Her name is Kayla.  I used to joke with her a lot when I was younger, which confuses me now because I am so much more shy and awkward around girls.  It took a lot of guts to ask her, but I did it. I think the only reason she said yes was because another guy asked her that she didn't like.  I guess this was good for my high school reputation. Although we didn't dance at all or really talk much, at least I had a date to give off that "straight personal front". At the end of the year, I discovered a friend of mine, named Desiree, really liked Metallica. This surprised me and she wanted to go with me to a Metallica concert. I said yes, thinking we were going as friends.  It was an amazing show.  Desiree continued to text me and asked me if I wanted to go to a movie. I said yes and awkwardly brought my friend Kevin along, which she didn't like.  She told me that she liked me and that she wanted a relationship.  This was the first time I have experienced somebody attracted to me, so I felt really bad letting her down.  I just told her "I am not ready for a relationship" so that she wouldn't somehow find out I was gay and word would spread. 

My "date" and I are on the right.

 

Week 9

September 11, 2001
Dear Diary,

I went to school today thinking there was something terribly wrong by something I had heard about a building being hit by a plane on the radio. When I arrived to school, we watched as the twin towers in New York City were hit again by another plane.  We were then sent home.  The entirety of the U.S. was in a state of awe, panic, and sadness. I thought it was an accident, so did most of my peers and my family.  Yet, as another plane hit, it became clear that it was an act of terrorism.  When the buildings collapsed, I cried for the people in the building, and a little bit angry at the people who caused this. I wish I could speak out and have a voice in politics or the media on this day.  I know I'm too young to vote, but sometimes I wish I had a say in our leaders.  Not to say that this was Bush's fault, but his reaction to the situation was very delayed. I sometimes fear I wouldn't be a good politician, however.  The little amount of politics we endure as children in our classes and school requires a lot of dedication and responsibility.  In real world politics this is true, but it also seems like there is a lot of deceit, lies, and slandering. It is such a sad event that our nation has endured, but I feel it has brought us together as a more patriotic nation. 

Week 8

April 15, 1997
Dear Diary,
I've noticed that in all of my favorite movies, the children are left alone, neglected, and often independent of their parents/ guardians.  Movies and books like James and the Giant Peach, Matilda, Home Alone, and Baby's Day Out completely remove the parental role in various ways, replacing that authority figure or mentor with something else.  It seems to challenge the nuclear family and the roles that are considered "normal" for a child's upbringing. For some reason, I like these movies a lot.  It often shows the child outsmarting the adult in various ways.  For example, Matilda often outsmarts Mrs. Trunchbull and even her father by using her supernatural powers.  This is also associated with sense of wonder and nostalgia that is associated with childhood.  Home Alone and Baby's Day Out are very similar in which a child and even an infant outsmart kidnappers as the parents are completely helpless and/or clueless.  This commodification of childhood is a very clever marketing ploy that my family and I gave into.

Here's one of my favorite scenes from Matilda in which Danny Devito gets angry at Matilda for reading her books.  I always remember this movie making me want to read more so I could be like Matilda...

Week 7

December 25, 1999
Dear Diary,
It's Christmas! For Christmas I received the movie Pocahontas and a lot of toys I wanted that I saw on T.V. One of my favorite new toys is the Slip N' Slide! It sometimes worries me that I am being marketed toward so rigorously in the media.  Especially on stations like Kids WB.  My family doesn't have cable, but many of the stations market to kids like we are consumers and have the money to afford all these things.  It is very frustrating at times, to me and my parents, as I find many things I want but can't have due to money constraints.  Was it always this way?


January 20, 2000
Dear Diary,
We are learning about the real story of Pocahontas and John Smith in class today.  It really made me sad.  I've seen the Disney movie so many times now, yet it is disappointing to discover that it is mostly untrue.  Pocahontas was about 13 or 14 when she saved John Smith.  She also was kidnapped and kept hostage in Jamestown for a year. She was forced to convert to Christianity and eventually married John Rolfe. Unlike the ending of the movie, where she chooses to stay with her people, Pocahontas was actually sent to England where she was a spectacle for the people there.  I know it's just a movie, but why was Disney trying to enact a "history lesson" to children if it is untrue.  It seems like Disney likes to incorporate magic and romanticism to appeal to us kids.  I still enjoy the movie, but feel the effects of marketing to our uneducated minds; feeling a bit exploited.